Yesterday I may have been vacuuming up a mess, half the playground brought inside in a pair of shoes mess, and I may or may not have uttered a sigh and some grunts of exasperation.
A couple of hours later the four year old was trying to do something and was having difficulties and I heard the same exact sigh and grunts of exasperation that I may or may not have uttered only hours earlier.
All the time.
Our children – big and small – are sponges.
I was thinking about this sponge business and thinking about how I need to reign in my silly displays of frustration, and then I was struck by a memory of something that happened a while ago.
Some time ago I was present when a friend of mine was with her Mother, and the Mum kept making remarks about the Mum’s weight. My friend was in her twenties – but even at this age, I could see her crumble at the sound of these remarks. You see the remarks weren’t even aimed at the daughter – they were a grown woman’s observation of herself, but spoken in her daughter’s presence, and in my presence, they made us feel……weird. Awkward. Unsure of where to take the conversation. Unsure of what our response should be. Those incidents – not a one-off event – but over a period of time – made me vow to myself that I wouldn’t make any judgement calls on my appearance in front of my children, and in front of their peers. Especially if I happened to have any girls. As it turns out we’ve been blessed with three amazing BOYS – but my stance remains firm – I won’t talk negatively about my appearance in front of my children. Ever. Because of how it made my friend and I feel, when we heard my friend’s fifty-something year old Mother talk about her appearance.
Sponges. Our kids are sponges.
Now I know there are Mums and Dads out there who do have real issues with their own appearance and struggle daily with accepting their particular ‘package’.
Pregnancy changes your body in ways that are, quite simply, irreversible. Blokes your bodies don’t change as a result of childbirth – but you’re often on the receiving end of the struggle to adjust to these changes and the ‘I have NOTHING to wear that fits me’ situations…..
Ageing changes our bodies. Yep. That ole Father Time has a lot to answer for.
If you’re having a hard time accepting what you look like, or how pregnancy has changed your outer shell, then please, can I encourage you to read the following two blog pieces I read that prompted me to focus on this issue? Can I encourage you to have a go at attempting to be at peace with your body? And can I encourage you to avoid projecting your negative feelings onto your kids? There’s a whole bunch of junk that comes out of that, and nothing positive.
The first blog piece is by Emily Wierenga. She’s a former anorexic and writes powerfully, from experience and gives really great advice for this journey we need to walk. The blog piece can be found here.
The second blog that I’d love you to read is by Glennon Doyle Melton, who blogs under the name Momastery. ‘Your body is not your masterpiece, your life is’. Powerful words – and a good dose of reality that I think we all need. The piece can be found here.
Do yourself a favour, and do your kids a favour…..remind yourself of these truths today….
‘Your body is not your offering. It’s just a really amazing instrument which you can use to create your offering each day. Don’t curse your paintbrush. Don’t sit in a corner wishing you had a different paintbrush. You’re wasting time. You’ve got the one you got. Be grateful, because without it you’d have nothing with which to paint your life’s work.’ – Momastery
If this accepting of yourself, of your outer shell, is something you struggle with, your partner struggles with, your sister or your cousin or your Mother or your daughter……point them in the direction of these links…..
And remember, as I am learning…..our children…..are little sponges. Always.